Most companies that buy fertility coverage brief HR, announce it at an all-hands, and wait to see if anyone uses it. What almost nobody does is prepare the people who will hear about it first, because it won't be HR. 

The team lead, standing at a desk on a Tuesday, is more likely to be told that someone on their team has appointments coming up and that they're a bit unpredictable.

That conversation sets the tone for everything after it, and the manager having it has usually had no preparation at all.

The first sixty seconds after the news

"I've got a medical thing going on for the next couple of months." "I might need flexibility on mornings." Sometimes, plainly, "I'm starting IVF."

Managers then typically fill the next minute with the wrong material because they weren’t prepped on how to navigate those types of conversations.

A short script can help address this gap. This type of tool is the highest-return a small company can make.

What to say

As a manager, you thank your team member for sharing this news. "I know this may have been hard to share, thank you for letting me know. You don't need to tell me any more than you want to."

This type of response takes the pressure off of the team member to further elaborate or divulge additional information they may not necessarily want to. 

The one question you should ask afterwards is "What would actual help from me look like for you right now?"

This allows the team member to decide what they need and what accommodations would make the most sense for them during this time. This also allows the manager to step in, in an appropriate way without having them guess what to do. 

What not to ask

“Have you tried acupuncture? You just need to relax and it will happen! Is it you or your partner?” They have a reproductive endocrinologist, and medical questions should stay between them and their provider. And now is not the time for unsolicited advice.

Let me know when you get the good news! Is also well meant, but it can make the team member feel responsible for delivering an update, including the one where there is no good news.

Be clear about what stays private

Managers assume this is something that will be kept private on their end. The employee assumes nothing, and spends the next week wondering who else knows.

So say it out loud. "This stays with me. Nothing in writing, nothing to the team, and if you want anyone else looped in, that's yours to decide."

One exception: If this gets to the point of formal leave, HR will need to be involved. Better to flag it now than to surprise someone with it later.

Then leave them alone

Follow up once to check the arrangement is working. After that, stop bringing it up.

The most common complaint from people going through treatment at work isn't that their manager was unsupportive. It's that their manager kept checking in and asking how everything was going. Being watched is exhausting, and it turns something private into something the whole room can sense.

Normal is the kindest thing on offer. Give them the interesting project. Keep treating them like someone who is fully here, because they are.

Timing

Review this script before the announcement comes from a team member, not after. The first disclosure usually lands within a couple of weeks of the all-hands, and by then the conversation has already happened.

People will remember how this conversation goes, and it will impact their overall experience with the company.